"Life Wouldn't Be the Same Without You"

When I was in third grade, for valentine's day we were required to give valentines cards for the whole class. I carefully selected every card's message to suit each person, and ultimately I chose the same card for both my best friend in the class, and my least favorite person: "Life wouldn't be the same without you."

Of course, at this age, this message was an emotionally immature way to inform this person I did not like them, but I have thought about this card ever since. For those who cause us struggle the message is true, and there are so many ways to interpet this meaning.

It is so easy and tempting to wish for our lives without them. Sometimes this is the best and safest option, to be sure.

But if I think back to those difficult people and what I learned and how I developed, this statement rings true. My friend in third grade was a source of fun, someone to sit next to on the bus and someone to play games with. My enemy was a source of my tears, a source of pain, and a source of daily stress for me, but what I learned from this was far greater than what my friend taught me. I did not of course develop these skills in third grade but here is where the seed was planted:

- how do you solve conflict with someone who you disagree with?

-how do you remain confident in yourself when you are hearing negative things about yourself?

-how can you take criticism if it's true and use it to develop yourself for the better without shame?

-how can you determine in such a situation if it isn't YOU who is being the bully, not the other way around?

-how can you learn to get along with people you don't like, and is this even always possible?

So many important lessons I am still working on today -

Of course, in life we wish for friends and we wish for good times. But in the scheme of things, we will have far more neutral interactions than positive ones, and we will remember the negative ones far more than the positive or neutral ones. These ones will stand out, and these ones will demand our attention.

We have a choice as to what kind of lesson we will learn from these. I have certainly made many mistakes: becoming combative thinking I am confidently defending myself, cutting everyone off thinking I am upholding my boundaries, being a doormat thinking I am getting along. There are many edges we will run into until we find somewhere in the middle - and the truth is, even with the most perfectly developed skills, we will find someone in our lives we can't get away from who just is not pleasant no matter what we do.

And maybe that's the most important lesson of all: not all effort is productive, and we have to be comfortable in knowing life is full of ups and downs as the norm. The most constant and predictable pattern is change - we want it to be good, but at times it will certainly be bad. And the only thing we can control is our inner self in these moments. Who will we be around people who we do not or cannot get along with? Who are we going to become when life throws unfair curves at us?

And, as we work through the holidays, surrounded by loved ones and dear ones and difficult ones we'd rather not be at the party with, can we find an inner calm that assures us that this is perfectly ok, can we find a way to love life and the moment even in its inperfection, and can we find a lesson in each person - creating deep and lasting personal change from every relationship we have?

This is how we can truly give back to the world. Life would not be the same without those people - both the good ones and the bad ones, and I believe that is how it was meant to be.