If You're Talking, You're Not Listening

A lot of us when we speak are unaware of how many words we use to get the point across- a concept that could have been said in a few short words, for many of us, becomes a long winded, scattered monologue.

If we can become aware of how we communicate - how much we talk, when we talk, how fast and how loud we talk, whether the tone and speed is appropriate for the situation or audience, and how the person we are talking to is receiving our words- imagine what a huge change we could make in our riding.

Many of us have a similar way of communicating with our horse. For many, the communication cycle goes: big communication, mental check out, big communication, fuss and fuddle, mental check out, big communication. In reality, it should be: mental tune in, feel and notice- respond, guide, guide, small adjustment, feel and notice, guide, small adjustment, feel: there is no room here for mentally checking out.

It’s easier to work on your awareness of your speech than riding communication, because there is less to worry about and considerably less risk to make us revert to old habits. So today I challenge you, while speaking to others:

Notice the other person. Notice your speech: how fast or slow are you talking? How loud or quiet are you talking? What are you trying to say? How is the other person receiving your words? Is the other person standing close to you or backing away, as if overloaded by the tone? Is the other person interested, or checking out?

Then when you get back in the saddle, take those same skills with you.

Conversation should be like music- the pauses are intentional (not just checking out) and are what make the music beautiful, not just the notes played.

Photo by Jasmine Cope