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VIRTUE, HANDICAP OR INDULGENCE?
W
orry- is it virtue, handicap, or indulgence?
Many people struggle with worry- worry of making a mistake, worry of whether the horse, perfectly quiet, might spook or move too fast. Some proudly display their worry as a mark of moral superiority, fretting over the quality of feed, restocking a full bin of hay, second guessing the care and handling of paid professionals.
Maybe the worry is well founded- maybe there is cause to worry with the horse that snorts at his shadow, or the horse isn’t being fed. Maybe the horse is too much for us, unprepared as much as we are, and we know it somewhere deep down.
Sometimes worry is a signal to explore deeper- something needs changing. The horse needs a better environment with better care. You need some help with your horse, help with your seat, or maybe a different partner. Maybe you need some coaching on better guiding your thoughts, your breathing, your attention.
But often, worry is an indulgence that steals from your horse- it steals your attention, steals the ability to give presence and guidance to the horse. It signals to the horse, you are not there for them, and so they must look elsewhere. It steals from everyone around, requiring more attention to the worrier- it steals resources, and time that can’t be made use of, because the cycle of worrying spits out help, and indulges in its own spiral.
A horse has worry, and plenty good cause to have it- and a human lost in their own worry can’t help the horse.
Whatever the cause, whether the reason be valid, or fabricated- the horse needs you there. So take the stirring of worry as a sign that something needs deeper exploration, maybe a change in environment, skill, or in you.
But a worrier can’t be there for the horse, and it is our cross to bear to learn how to be present, and useful, for our horses.
NOBODY CAN READ YOUR MIND
I
f you know how to ask for what you need, you might get it
There’s no prize for martyrdom, no reward for holding back from getting what you need. It doesn’t make you more virtuous, it makes you resentful of those who couldn’t guess for you, and poisons your relationships.
Nobody can reach in your mind and pull out your thoughts, nobody can intuit your needs for you better than yourself. You have your life and you are the master of it- so don’t wait for others to reach in and save you- if you know what you need and aren’t afraid to ask, the worst that can happen is you hear a no.
To not ask, to not speak up, is a disrespect to the chances and gifts that so fleetingly pass our way.
But, there is an art to knowing the difference between wants and needs, and knowing when to ask, and when to let go of frivolous desires
IT’S ALL IN THE SMALL DETAILS
I
t’s not about what you get done, it’s the ways you get it done that counts
Each interaction with the horse we have, whether it be to get a task done, like putting a halter on, or doing an exercise, like a transition, has a world of possibilities within it. There is nothing we do that doesn’t affect the outcome of something further along the line with our horses- it’s only a matter of how much we’re aware of it.
Within the first touch of an unhandled colt lives the first ride, and every upper level movement that exists. The way we lay in the feel we offer, the way we teach them to think and find center, the way we ask them to get straight and stay relaxed in the neck: a first touch is just as important as the first rollback or canter pirouette- or much more so. Because we lay the foundation for how the horse feels about the rest of his life.
There is nothing so important as mundane tasks, the small stuff we take for granted and tune out, or the firsts we rush to get to, so we can move up and on.
For instance, leading your horse through a gate is teaching them transitions. Within each passing through a threshold lives the first transition from walk to trot, or the first piaffe steps, or a flying change. Because the quality and attention we choose to offer the horse in passing from one side of the fence to another teaches them how to tune into us when changes are expected, how to get balanced to prepare for something new, how to get centered, straight and calm to move from one way of going to another. It teaches them a great deal about our attentiveness, our reliability as a partner, and what they can expect us to offer.
There is no haltering, leading, trailer loading, grooming or simply even saying hello that doesn’t alter their way of going, or their way of thinking. Everything we hope to accomplish is made possible through the care we offer to doing simple things well, and the respect for the nature of the horse within every interaction.
VIRTUE, HANDICAP OR INDULGENCE?
orry- is it virtue, handicap, or indulgence?
Many people struggle with worry- worry of making a mistake, worry of whether the horse, perfectly quiet, might spook or move too fast. Some proudly display their worry as a mark of moral superiority, fretting over the quality of feed, restocking a full bin of hay, second guessing the care and handling of paid professionals.
Maybe the worry is well founded- maybe there is cause to worry with the horse that snorts at his shadow, or the horse isn’t being fed. Maybe the horse is too much for us, unprepared as much as we are, and we know it somewhere deep down.
Sometimes worry is a signal to explore deeper- something needs changing. The horse needs a better environment with better care. You need some help with your horse, help with your seat, or maybe a different partner. Maybe you need some coaching on better guiding your thoughts, your breathing, your attention.
But often, worry is an indulgence that steals from your horse- it steals your attention, steals the ability to give presence and guidance to the horse. It signals to the horse, you are not there for them, and so they must look elsewhere. It steals from everyone around, requiring more attention to the worrier- it steals resources, and time that can’t be made use of, because the cycle of worrying spits out help, and indulges in its own spiral.
A horse has worry, and plenty good cause to have it- and a human lost in their own worry can’t help the horse.
Whatever the cause, whether the reason be valid, or fabricated- the horse needs you there. So take the stirring of worry as a sign that something needs deeper exploration, maybe a change in environment, skill, or in you.
But a worrier can’t be there for the horse, and it is our cross to bear to learn how to be present, and useful, for our horses.
NOBODY CAN READ YOUR MIND
f you know how to ask for what you need, you might get it
There’s no prize for martyrdom, no reward for holding back from getting what you need. It doesn’t make you more virtuous, it makes you resentful of those who couldn’t guess for you, and poisons your relationships.
Nobody can reach in your mind and pull out your thoughts, nobody can intuit your needs for you better than yourself. You have your life and you are the master of it- so don’t wait for others to reach in and save you- if you know what you need and aren’t afraid to ask, the worst that can happen is you hear a no.
To not ask, to not speak up, is a disrespect to the chances and gifts that so fleetingly pass our way.
But, there is an art to knowing the difference between wants and needs, and knowing when to ask, and when to let go of frivolous desires
IT’S ALL IN THE SMALL DETAILS
t’s not about what you get done, it’s the way you get it done that counts
Each interaction with the horse we have, whether it be to get a task done, like putting a halter on, or doing an exercise, like a transition, has a world of possibilities within it. There is nothing we do that doesn’t affect the outcome of something further along the line with our horses- it’s only a matter of how much we’re aware of it.
Within the first touch of an unhandled colt lives the first ride, and every upper level movement that exists. The way we lay in the feel we offer, the way we teach them to think and find center, the way we ask them to get straight and stay relaxed in the neck: a first touch is just as important as the first rollback or canter pirouette- or much more so. Because we lay the foundation for how the horse feels about the rest of his life.
There is nothing so important as mundane tasks, the small stuff we take for granted and tune out, or the firsts we rush to get to, so we can move up and on.
For instance, leading your horse through a gate is teaching them transitions. Within each passing through a threshold lives the first transition from walk to trot, or the first piaffe steps, or a flying change. Because the quality and attention we choose to offer the horse in passing from one side of the fence to another teaches them how to tune into us when changes are expected, how to get balanced to prepare for something new, how to get centered, straight and calm to move from one way of going to another. It teaches them a great deal about our attentiveness, our reliability as a partner, and what they can expect us to offer.
There is no haltering, leading, trailer loading, grooming or simply even saying hello that doesn’t alter their way of going, or their way of thinking. Everything we hope to accomplish is made possible through the care we offer to doing simple things well, and the respect for the nature of the horse within every interaction.
WHAT IS CONNECTION?
W
hat does connection look like?
Social media would have you believe it’s a bareback, bridless ride on the beach in a long flowing dress
Or one of those kissy face moments, where a horse and human are locked into a smooch
There’s nothing wrong with those things inherently, they’re fun displays of enjoyment of being around horses
But humans are wired to view things from their own perspective, and miss the horses perception of connection
Connection is not just a glamorous magazine cover, but a way of life. It’s a simple, but profound language between two beings.
Connection is highly variable, and nuanced. But like everything else, it has become watered down, cheapened and confused. The words lose weight as they’re passed around like a cheap prom dress between high school friends.
Connection is simply the ability to perceive and adapt to the moment and needs of the other
Connection is the ability to get into a flow state, to feel and respond and adapt moment to moment to the horse or human in front of you
It is the ability to get out of your own thoughts and into the present- to fully absorb what is happening, to become engrossed in the sights, sounds, smells and feels around you
Connection can’t be purchased with money, or time, and it isn’t owed to you by anyone. No horse or human owes you connection if you feed them or love them.
It is something real, that comes from an earnest and genuine place inside you, that horses pick up on and can connect to. It can’t be faked, can’t be bought, and must come from you –
It’s a feeling that can’t be explained until you stumble on it, like the feeling you get when you turn the bend on a forest walk and discover the light between the trees illuminating a small portion of the path- and you feel like the first human to ever discover it’s majesty, and you’re in the most important, most special place in the world. You want to protect this feeling at all costs-
To help others discover it, but protect it from tourism, that would surely leave it littered and steal its glow, selling it in a bottle while destroying the unique and true beauty that cannot be replicated anywhere else.
WHAT IS CONNECTION?
hat does connection look like?
Social media would have you believe it’s a bareback, bridless ride on the beach in a long flowing dress
Or one of those kissy face moments, where a horse and human are locked into a smooch
There’s nothing wrong with those things inherently, they’re fun displays of enjoyment of being around horses
But humans are wired to view things from their own perspective, and miss the horses perception of connection
Connection is not just a glamorous magazine cover, but a way of life. It’s a simple, but profound language between two beings.
Connection is highly variable, and nuanced. But like everything else, it has become watered down, cheapened and confused. The words lose weight as they’re passed around like a cheap prom dress between high school friends.
Connection is simply the ability to perceive and adapt to the moment and needs of the other
Connection is the ability to get into a flow state, to feel and respond and adapt moment to moment to the horse or human in front of you
It is the ability to get out of your own thoughts and into the present- to fully absorb what is happening, to become engrossed in the sights, sounds, smells and feels around you
Connection can’t be purchased with money, or time, and it isn’t owed to you by anyone. No horse or human owes you connection if you feed them or love them.
It is something real, that comes from an earnest and genuine place inside you, that horses pick up on and can connect to. It can’t be faked, can’t be bought, and must come from you –
It’s a feeling that can’t be explained until you stumble on it, like the feeling you get when you turn the bend on a forest walk and discover the light between the trees illuminating a small portion of the path- and you feel like the first human to ever discover it’s majesty, and you’re in the most important, most special place in the world. You want to protect this feeling at all costs-
To help others discover it, but protect it from tourism, that would surely leave it littered and steal its glow, selling it in a bottle while destroying the unique and true beauty that cannot be replicated anywhere else.
READ THE SIGNS, PREVENT THE PROBLEM
"W
hy don’t you show videos of yourself working with green horses, ir a horse with actual problems?”
This is feedback I get often and it makes my thinker think. It’s quite rare for me to come across horses who aren’t green or who don’t have problems. Even my own horses are an onion of issues, some made by others, many by me. When I select a horse for a video, it’s because I know there is something I can show that the public will likely be dealing with as well. It doesn’t look like a catastrophe because I am trying to show how to avoid that catastrophe and keep it smooth.
I think we’ve gotten so used to watching huge explosions, reformed by magician like work and having a horse drop to the ground to sleep immediately. That might be exciting to watch, and look cool, but so often those are extremely stressful events for the horse, and are more about the horseman showing off than about the horse. Good change can sometimes be dramatic, but most of the time the good horsemen I know are making smooth changes- and the horses don’t need to lie down and sleep it off because it was so overwhelming.
We’re disappointed with basics, we want our money back when we feel the work wasn’t “amazing” because all it offered was refining your basic skill.
Decades of selling packed up clinics and programs has left people feeling they should be getting MORE, I want more exciting videos, I want more exciting content, why is that horse not flying around? Consumers are filled with suspicion that they are being duped at every turn, and to some degree that is fair- they have been for decades and often are.
I believe strongly that as a teacher part of my job is to retrain the public eye in what’s fair to see and expect. I’m not going to spin the horse out of control for demos sake when the solution could be just to not piss it off in the first place. Most of the time the explosions happen because big signs were missed, and my job is to read those signs and prevent the explosions from happening in the first place.
I’m not going to compromise teaching very basic work, because the public doesn’t need to learn to spin around and tap dance and do fantastical mystery tour stuff , they need to learn to breathe and walk well and hold their lead rope with feel and sit well- even my own lessons I get include this. You never stop refining the basics, and a true horseman knows this.
So if you truly learn to refine the basics, your work with horses can look boring, and as if the horse doesn’t have any trouble, because you didn’t put him in trouble in the first place. That is the whole point of learning to handle horses well- not to show off, but to have something real to offer horses.
READ THE SIGNS, PREVENT THE PROBLEM
hy don’t you show videos of yourself working with green horses, ir a horse with actual problems?”
This is feedback I get often and it makes my thinker think. It’s quite rare for me to come across horses who aren’t green or who don’t have problems. Even my own horses are an onion of issues, some made by others, many by me. When I select a horse for a video, it’s because I know there is something I can show that the public will likely be dealing with as well. It doesn’t look like a catastrophe because I am trying to show how to avoid that catastrophe and keep it smooth.
I think we’ve gotten so used to watching huge explosions, reformed by magician like work and having a horse drop to the ground to sleep immediately. That might be exciting to watch, and look cool, but so often those are extremely stressful events for the horse, and are more about the horseman showing off than about the horse. Good change can sometimes be dramatic, but most of the time the good horsemen I know are making smooth changes- and the horses don’t need to lie down and sleep it off because it was so overwhelming.
We’re disappointed with basics, we want our money back when we feel the work wasn’t “amazing” because all it offered was refining your basic skill.
Decades of selling packed up clinics and programs has left people feeling they should be getting MORE, I want more exciting videos, I want more exciting content, why is that horse not flying around? Consumers are filled with suspicion that they are being duped at every turn, and to some degree that is fair- they have been for decades and often are.
I believe strongly that as a teacher part of my job is to retrain the public eye in what’s fair to see and expect. I’m not going to spin the horse out of control for demos sake when the solution could be just to not piss it off in the first place. Most of the time the explosions happen because big signs were missed, and my job is to read those signs and prevent the explosions from happening in the first place.
I’m not going to compromise teaching very basic work, because the public doesn’t need to learn to spin around and tap dance and do fantastical mystery tour stuff , they need to learn to breathe and walk well and hold their lead rope with feel and sit well- even my own lessons I get include this. You never stop refining the basics, and a true horseman knows this.
So if you truly learn to refine the basics, your work with horses can look boring, and as if the horse doesn’t have any trouble, because you didn’t put him in trouble in the first place. That is the whole point of learning to handle horses well- not to show off, but to have something real to offer horses.
ADDICTED TO BEING OFFENDED
A
s people, we are addicted to being offended.
We live much of our lives being incensed by things other people did that we either misinterpreted, made up, or could totally let go.
You know it’s true- I do it, you do it, we all do it.
Every comment section is the chance to spew a story of someone who wronged us. Every get together is time to dump on a friend about what minor irritation is turned into a catastrophe through the stirring of our minds. A text or interaction quickly grows out of proportion to become something it never was because we love to feel wronged, because ego demands that we live constantly incensed by the perceived wrongdoing of others.
For some who are learning to stop people pleasing and create boundaries, life has been lived in one extreme too long, and bouncing to the other extreme seems the solution. For some, a lifetime of seething resentment bubbles over into feeling now that everyone is taking from them, and so everything is an insult and affront.
For others, maybe the majority of us, we live a self centered life, and see things from our own perspective mainly. It’s hard not to- I can’t get in the head of anyone else but me, and I live life through my experience. So instead of thinking about what the other person might have actually been doing or meant, we jump to our own conclusions about what it means for us.
How does this relate to horses? Because we imprint the emotional state of ourselves onto every horse we interact with. The horse that walks away from us in the field feels the frazzled energy of seething resentment and says, no thanks. The anger that lives inside us creates brace, crookedness, dysfunction that becomes placed like a stamp onto the emotional and physical body of the horse we ride.
It’s time to let it go.
It’s time to let our energy be clear, if not for ourselves, but for the horse squirming under our too fast and too thoughtless brushing, for the horse who’s lead line is grabbed a little too quickly, for the horse who waits in the corner of the stall while we, lost in thought somewhere other than here, take angry and fast steps toward them.
Time to let your energy be clear, be available for the horse, and be here, right now, the way your horse needs you.